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1-20-11 - Darlene Cohen's brother David on his sister's passing
(Originally sent to Elizabeth Sawyer days before Darlene died)
I'm doing relatively well, thank you and a good new year to you and Ken too.
I have been observing for some time that the really dark side to "last man standing" is dealing with loss.
Like most of us, I wish I were dealing with Darlene's passing as well as she is, but then wishing I was dealing with most things in the world, as well as Darlene, is not a new feeling. As I expressed to her, "I have never known a world that didn't contain Darlene." (that is not to imply that the world ever 'contained' Darlene)
I wasn't particularly attached to my parents, especially by the time they died, so there is nothing in my life thus far that suggests to me what her loss will actually be like. Even if there were, I'm not sure that would put me in any better position to express the inexpressible.
Philistine that I remain, I could only appreciate the DT ceremony in how I observed what it meant to Darlene and those who love her, through Lisa's emails. It was personally deeply rewarding to have shared with her some of her last non-Zen events, Taking me to lunch for my Birthday in September, Celebrating her birthday with my family and hers. Most of all, Thanksgiving with all of our father's bloodline and the ceremony we had for him.
I will be seeing her today for the first time since then. While I don't feel I have any unfinished business with her, as I explained to Tony, I do have a strong emotional need to say goodbye and savor my time with her, aware, as I was not last time, that it could be my last contact.
It is in these rare moments that I am truly jealous of those with defined spiritual paths that give them the ritual and explanation to address these events in our lives.
Thanks for asking,
"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." -- Charles Bukowski
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